Selamat Hari Lahir, Abah..

Will it snow for Christmas?

Anger management

Sad Note

i wish

my heart

In the middle of the night

Congratulations..!

La Tahzan..

Aku rindu sayang kamu

Aidilfitri.. cerita yg dh basi..

Just a mere thought

Tag from K.Neny

Sometimes silence is the best cure..

When one day feels like forever..

Concentration

I dunno what actually drives me...
Pressure..
Recognition.. or worse..
Lack of money

I can easily concentrate doing my work now compared to 2 months of leisure, 22 hours-play-2hours-work kind of time before. Since I can't turn back time, I might as well treasure this concentration that I have right now. It's just amazing. I can stop thinking about the neverending KPT issues straight away and start the MATLAB codes.. It is as if I have the turn-on-turn-off switch in my mind.

or it might just be the calm before the storm..
I wish I can read the future.. urghh

but anyway, it's wonderful how life is..
and thanks to Allah for everything..

Gundah gulana..

Situasi kitorg sekarang ni amat menyesakkan nafas. Bukan kami sekeluarga je, tapi semua yg nk extend belajar. Sampai hati betul orang2 KPT ni.. Dh tak tau nk cakap apa lagi dh, dalam hati mengucap banyak2.. Allah je yang tau betapa la susahnya nk harungi hidup kat sini, tetiba masalah besar pulak datang bersilih ganti.

Kalau tiada jalan keluar, terpaksa la balik tanpa degree!

Sadness..

should we indulge in it?

I was reading a post by my sister and an arrow just plunged my heart. It hurts to see her getting hurt. Well I wrote quite a long comment on her post, but I think it wouldn't even help with the matter of her heart. Even though I talked to so many people about love and relationship before, I never really put myself in their shoes..so when they were heartbroken, I just spoke without really empathizing. However, when it is my own sister; I can't help but feel the pain too.. it must be troublesome for her to undergo such a situation..but i hope if their relationship is strong enough, it would probably pass the thunderstorm.

I've had my shares too.. it feels like something is ripping your soul out of your body, and there's nothing you can do about it. I remember taking long strides to classes without really thinking of what happens around me. It was disastrous.. but it will pass and time will prove it.. It is hard at the beginning, but once you have the appropriate medication to mend your heart psychologically, it helps for the future. I think if you have been heartbroken, it will give you some perspective on your problem. And it will help in the future. Sometimes, we never really understood the situation and start taking action without thinking. Or worse we didn't analyze the situation at all.

What I learned from my marriage life so far is, your partner behaviour always reflect yours. You are as good as your partner is. So when there's something happens, I love to look at what I did in that situation and it really helps to clear things out..

To my sis, no matter what happens, take it as an education through life. If you don't experience it and learned about it, you will not have the strength to face them in the future. We love you.


This is the lyrics of the song, she played on her page and i do think it fits perfectly for all of us:

Edcoustic : Muhasabah Cinta
Listen and download here



Wahai... Pemilik nyawaku
Betapa lemah diriku ini
Berat ujian dariMu
Kupasrahkan semua padaMu

Tuhan... Baru ku sadar
Indah nikmat sehat itu
Tak pandai aku bersyukur
Kini kuharapkan cintaMu

Reff. :
Kata-kata cinta terucap indah
Mengalun berzikir di kidung doaku
Sakit yang kurasa biar jadi penawar dosaku

Butir-butir cinta air mataku
Teringat semua yang Kau beri untukku
Ampuni khilaf dan salah selama ini

Ya Ilahi....
Muhasabah cintaku...

Kata-kata cinta terucap indah
Mengalun berzikir di kidung doaku
Sakit yang kurasa biar jadi penawar dosaku

Butir-butir cinta air mataku
Teringat semua yang Kau beri untukku
Ampuni khilaf dan salah selama ini

Tuhan... Kuatkan aku
Lindungiku dari putus asa
Jika ku harus mati
Pertemukan aku denganMu

Ainaa's first single

Kindergarten is closed for 3 weeks hence we need to take turn taking care of Ainaa at home. Since both of us are currently doing our thesis in the lab, I got to spend 3 days in the lab for the first week, 2 days in the following week and so on. Today, I went to the lab with a peaceful mind. I think Nazrin has got a lot better in taming Ainaa..(kuikuikui..). When I got home, he showed me this video which made me laugh out loud. Seriously, Ainaa is starting to mimick everything she sees now. Enjoy!

HP & 1/2 Blood Prince : Review

I spent almost two hours watching the newest installment of Harry Potter (The Half Blood Prince). Honestly, unlike many reviews that I read before watching the film; I am contented with this installment. I hate the Order of Phoenix even more. Even though it doesn't really follow the original storyline in the book (worst in the Order of Phoenix) , but it has more satisfaction to it: at least for me.. It started with the scenes that can't be found anywhere in the book, it is totally a made up scene. However, I still think it is important to fit the storyline in this film.

It has been such a long time since I read the book, I vaguely remember the whole content but the "falling in love" scenes in the film didn't really potray the fondness that Hermione has for Ron and how they both end up together. And I think the scriptwriter rushed out too much to the extent of almost 'forcing' the bond between Harry and Ginny. For those that have been following the film, and not reading the book might feel slightly fooled on how 'sudden' the feeling between Ginny and Harry develops. For me, Harry's feeling towards Ginny has been there for so long, but since the film focused more on Hermione rather than other female character in the previous plot; it is even more difficult to put Harry and Ginny together as a lover.

This film as many have watched and read, saw the death of Hogwarts Principle, Albus Dumbledore. Significant as he may seem, his death is important to develop the plot further. With his death, Harry clearly understand the needs to destroy Voldemort even more. Although the title is about "The Half Blood Prince" in which in this film refers to Severus Snape, but the emphasis on how Harry becomes infatuated with "The Half Blood Prince" Advanced Potion book can be rarely seen. I think the book has done justice to the title rather than the film. This installment will leave the impression "the episode which Dumbledore dies" rather than "the episode which the Half Blood Prince is revealed".

Even though it has many small weakness, I give a thumbs up for this film. The storyline may dragged up a bit, but it has significance for every single line. My favourite part of the encounter is when Hermione and Harry were in a library discussing:

Hermione : Hey, she took an interest in you because she thinks you're the chosen one..
Harry : but I am the CHOSEN one!
Hermione : (hit him with newspaper)
Harry : Oh..ok, Sssory..kidding..

(hahahaha.. I really love how friendly both of them are..)

Hope all of you have fun watching this installment as I am.

PINGU..

Gotta love watching Ainaa on her PINGU marathon. Glad she's not running from one coach to another like the previous journey.



During Siegen to Frankfurt journey. She's easily offended nowadays. Probably I should stop giving her too much face.

Desperate

I'm really looking forward for this weekend.. why? I'm going to watch the Harry Potter movie! Wuhuuuu.. never really thought it would materialize in the beginning, but since hubby said just go and he will take care of Ainaa.. well, i just agreed immediately before he changed his mind! I never realize that I would be this happy anticipating the day, probably because anything that would make me run away from work is heaven to me already.. (hahahaha.. it doesn't really mean that I hate my work though..).

48 days to go..

Personal memoirs

There are quite a few people asking me where have I been these days, without blogging, or being online in chatroom. I'm not really busy to be honest, and I'm not running from anyone either. The truth is the work I'm having right now is killing me. I never realized it was so difficult at the beginning, or probably the truth just didn't hit me yet at that time. When everything was in order, then I realized I probably might not be able to finish my work, and I just stop thinking. I dunno since when I started to behave like that, but it's just humiliating even to think back. And recovering from such meltdown isn't easy either. I miss my mum with her encouraging words, and even so I'm still thankful that I got my hubby behind my back all the time. I'm surprised that I still have the courage to survive without any anti-depression pills yet. Huarrggghhhh..

May Allah gives me all the courage to survive this time.
55 days till I fly back to Malaysia..huhu!

Guilty

There are lots of things that I felt guilty right now.. I wish I can turn back time to correct them all. I promise to myself, I will work harder from now on. I will not disappoint anybody from now on. Especially my husband. He has gone through enough miserable things and yet he still didn't complaint. I guess my mother's prayers always has been answered in one way or another. She once told me that she always prays that (even after I got married) that I will have husband that gives me happiness to the end of my life until Jannah. She prays that hardships can still pass through me even though how hard it is, and I will be able to manage them. I think I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many people with beautiful heart, and yet even though in one way or another I did disappoint them; they never show much contemplation to my bad actions and focuses to good things.. I guess I will never get the meaning of life without the help of generous and kind hearted people around me, and even though this guilt is really killing me, I will do my best from now on..

Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me(1)

I love you...

This goes to my hubby, for letting me be who I am..

whenever things don't come our way and I don't smile much.. I just wanted to let you know that it is not your fault. We both know each other too well to let anything comes in our way. Thank you for always believing in me. I love you just the way I always were, today, tomorrow and hopefully till death do us part.

Like A Child

When you tell me that you love me and you accept me
I say to myself confidently that I have nothing else I need
Although I feel ashamed of my growing greed
I think about you all day again and I feel uneasy

I have a lot of envy (like a child)
I have a lot of fears (like a fool)
I can’t believe that right now you are near smiling at me
I am so happy that it’s overwhelming to me
I fear that when I open my eyes everything will disappear
So I can’t fall asleep

I want to give you (my everything)
I want to feel (your heart)
Everything that others do I want to share with you
My heart is too hasty and narrow minded, I feel anxious, I feel nervous
That everything will disappear
I am worried

For making me laugh (like a child)
For making me cry (like a fool)
For making me feel this flutter in my heart once again
For allowing me to trust you, for being a strength to me
When I open my eyes the first word I want to say is
Thank you so much

For being here by my side, for letting me dream
For being you who gives “US” as a present
I love you

Kim Dongryul- Like a Child (ft. Alex) *English subs* Live

Worry-some!

I got my biggest worry lately.. my glofiish doesn't work! I thunk it got both speaker and microphone problem simultaneously..

urrrgggggghhhhh...

List..

There's a lot of things that I want to do right now, and laziness kept on hitting me like erupting volcano..huh, I really hate this version of me. I have so many things to put on blog, but I dunno why, I kept putting them aside.

I have a very long to-do list, and yet I have achieved none of them.

And addendum to my long list, there's a lot of things bothering me rite now..

1. I didn't finish editing my Studienarbeit, even though I was told by my supervisor almost two weeks ago, and it was just cosmetic problems.
2. I didn't know the direction of my MasterArbeit, it get confusing day by day up to the extent I get frustrated whenever those thoughts come to mind.
3. The card reader doesn't work, I have lots of videos to upload and edit, but I just ended up throwing that thing away out of frustration
4. I didn't realize that screening of Harry Potter is actually on Mid-July and I already made arrangements to go to Frankfurt next week..aaaarghhhhh!
5. I really miss my family in Malaysia, I ended up daydreaming most of the time..I need to stop doing this and concentrate on my work.DEFINITELY!

Taken aback..

When I browse through my own blog, I wonder why my entries were mostly very depressing. Probably because my brain works better when I'm intimidated, hahahaha! The truth is, my life is always a routine, and if nothing bad happens to me I usually didn't notice. Like saying, "no news is good news!"..

Few days ago, I was taken aback by few comments made by those who were reading my blog silently and suddenly expressing their uneasiness towards my entries especially regarding family matters.

I just wanted to clarify few things to my beloved readers that this is my OWN blog, I didn't invite you to read, you read it on your own and with your own consciousness.. therefore if you think that the content of this blog do not fit your thinking or not the way married life is supposed to be, then I welcome you to leave. I wrote what I thought at that time and I do not force anybody to read it.

I love my husband with all my heart, and I am still in love with him. I live a very happy married life, and even though a lot of you people out there think that I am the MONSTER in this marriage, I don't care. AND I absolutely don't have to prove to anyone but the Almighty ALLAH how good or bad I am. I don't need to prove it to somebody else and of course I don't need anybody to teach me how to run my own life. For me, living away from my beloved parents and siblings, have to study and taking care of family at the same time is very depressing already, and I absolutely don't need any additives for that.

But anyway, thank you for that comments and I am thankful for one thing, at least there are people out there still cares about my family and I. I don't want to pray for God to test you through hardships that you would cry even to think of it, because I know, God has tested me through this life to my betterment and because He knows I can take all this. May God bless your life always.

P/S: Friends don't smile when you're sad but instead cries with you...

Sensitivitiy and love songs..

I'm not really a fan of mushy love songs unless they related to me as much, but i think a lot of my time right now are dedicated for korean love songs. I do think that Korean language fits perfectly for love songs..the pronounciation and feel,just mesmerized the heart.. (kihkihkih.. jiwang!)

For example, my current favourite from Korean Drama East of Eden:



and from Alex

N.u.m.b

I am in the lab right now, feeling numb to the feet. I got so much work to do, however rather than being absorbed with work, I can hardly read one sentence and understand. What happens to me? I woke up late this morning, again missing my Subh prayer (mind you, Subh prayer time in Germany right now ended at 5.17am in the morning and Isya' prayer time started at 11.35pm.) Since Ainaa slept quite early last night, I went to sleep with her until hubby woke me up for Maghrib prayer at 11.20pm. So I ended up sleeping around 1 am. I hate it when I woke up late, it ruined my entire schedule. The house is so messy with unfolded clothes everywhere along with unwashed dishes. Arrgghh..all these thoughts kept running in my head until now. I scolded Ainaa again this morning for her perseverence to stay at home instead of going to Kindergarten eventhough I know she was actually tired and dizzy from a sudden wake up call. Huh.. I am really a bad mother. Kindergarten will close its door at 9.00 am. So, whether she likes it or not, I have to carry her to bus stop which is 8 minutes a way from home, at least before 8.30 to catch up 8.42 am bus. It's crazy..

Probably because I leisure up too much.. and this is how it ended. I miss WGM!

BoysBeforeFlowers (F4)- Korean version

Sesapa yg pernah tgk Meteor Garden (Mandarin) or Hana Yori Dango (Japanese) mmg tau la tarikan F4 ni.. hihihi, kegilaan time remaja2 dulu. Tapi masih tangkap lentok. 25 episod siri ni, mmg yg paling best antara semua adaptasi yg lain.

anyway, this is my favourite song from the series. Enjoy.

I am excited!

You wanna know why..?? Because I'm getting my new gadget next week! Huhuhuhu.. dunno whether it will arrive on Monday but I'm really excited. I am surrounded by many gadgets right now, but I don't use them that much. Funny, probably because I started getting bored after few weeks receiving them. I dunnooo whether this one will be the same, but I will be using it everyday, so I hope I don't easily get bored with it. Right now the gadget list that currently under my keepsakes are My Glofiish.My Samsung 32" LCD.My Samsung 21" LCD monitor. My Me2 1TB Multimedia HDD.My Pentax K100DSuper DSLR. My JackLaLannes Power Juicer. Doesn't that list seem enough? I don't think so.. My wishlist still ongoing..Lens with f2.8 Aspherical.An HD Camcorder. A MaryKay TimeWise set. Brown/Turqoise Blazer. Dyson Vacuum Cleaner. Huh..seriously for shophaholics like me, there's always list going on in my head. If only I got all the money in the world... but it will never happen. So, wisely speaking..hold off!

Happy Teacher's day!

To all my teacher's from Sek.Keb.Perol, SMK(A) Naim Lilbanat, MRSM Beseri, Matrikulasi UIA, UIAM Main Campus, Universität Siegen.. Thank you for everything. Without all of you, I will not be where I am today. Kudos to all of you.

i miss my frens..

really..
huh..tak sabar nk balik Mesia!

Award..??

Tak penah pun mengumpul award2 ni sbbnyer mmg tatau apakah kegunaannya..

anyway, thanks to kak ati for giving me this award..

nk nominate sapa?

http://ayu-farisma.blogspot.com/
http://behabella.blogspot.com/
http://cahya-schatz.blogspot.com/
http://nur-jai.blogspot.com/
http://rusdyaacob.blogspot.com/
http://julianarazid.blog.friendster.com/
http://alizaaini.wordpress.com/

really luv reading your entries guys!

yes..yes.. i know..

i shoulda been doin' work but i am redesignin' my whole blog, yet again!
i think i kinda full with ideas for scrapbooking but didn't find time yet..
anyhow, i started on the internet first, so this is one of my first output..
and i'm lovin' it!

Start.. and excuses..

Just finished clearing the house out of garbage, dust and few unwashed dishes..trying to get the mood into writing. So I write this entry as a warm-up..good excuse?

Anyway, I just feel quite disoriented these few weeks..I just dunno why. Probably I don't find good words to define my obsession as an internet-junkie and being without much educational thing going on. I miss having classes, probably because I think there's still something missing and I dunno what until I find out.

The problem with getting work done is the start. When you want to start doing something important and useful, then those reminiscence kept coming up. And it's getting harder to do things at home because you have so many distractions. For instance, unfolded clothes..or Ainaa's toys laying around..or tasteful smell from somebody cooking downstairs... it's just too much distractions. I tried working in a library, but it's so quiet I'm having trouble even to move my butt on the chair to avoid too much noise.

This is seriously getting ridiculous...

P/S: I wonder why I can't really manage myself lately..and why I seem so miserable out of nothing?

Confession of a shopaholic (again..)

I want to go shopping
I want to go shopping
I want to go shopping
I want to go shopping....

....but no money left.huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

Immitation

There is more ways than one things are immitated in this world. One might want to be as successful as others; so he copies the way to run things in order to succeed. It's not wrong by the way,but it feels wrong when you do it secret-like.

It is almost impossible to say that I don't immitate somebody in some way,but I always wanted to think that I lead the way things are immitated. For example,when I decided to buy my own Jack LaLannes power juicer,I like to think that I set the trend of juicing. Well,it's not entirely true..but I like to think that way.

I always wanted to do things that ordinary women might enjoy doing such as sewing, scrapbooking, gardening, home decor; but I guess I just don't hv the patience. So to immitate what other people enjoy doing might not be that fulfilling for me. But I guess it is still not too late to do some immitation that worth the effort such as finishing what has been started instead of leaving it lying around.. Huh, time for attitude adjustment!

Mumbling..

I miss writing my blog..it's just that I'm so immersed in other's notes rather than my own these days. I really wanted to write on our biggest BBQ bash but seeing Rusdy has already done it, and I don't have that much picture with me, I run out of option..so I read his post instead. I wanted to write more about what happened whenever I went to holiday; I had gone as far as registering for mobile blogging, but haven't found the strength yet. But anyway, there is more to come I hope. And I still haven't found a way to make my writing least boring more colourful.
Signing off for now..

Video oh video..

When I look at Rusdy's video capture of Ainaa during the ride home from Frankfurt, I just realized that i haven't ventured into that method for quite a while.. I miss taking video of Ainaa, and I want to keep it handy. Just because we have this gigantic DSLR camera, I totally run out of option to take videos of Ainaa because the feature is not available on our DSLR..(owh, I hope we get to buy K7 instead..)

Anyway, I was browsing the pocket HD videocam and wonders whoever has better idea on choosing one?
It is time consuming to read all the reviews and it's always contradicting, so I went to CNET and get this comparison.

*courtesy from CNET

I really love to buy Mino HD, but the problem is, it doesn't have expansion slot for SD Card, so I just get stuck with 4-8GB internal memory (then again..who shoots video 8hrs nonstop?).. or probably get the expensive Toshiba Camileo P30 instead. It's not in the comparison list, but it's worth the money cause it has expansion slot as well as an ability to record 1080p HD video. I wonder do I need the resolution that much?

Huh..can't really decide!

I'm sorry.. I really am..

Things just so messed up today.. I slept around 4 am after Subh prayer and wakeup around 7.30 am to get ready to send Ainaa to kindergarten. I had an important meeting today..well at least that's what I thought - to settle on Master Thesis topic. Ainaa is still crying till her voices run out when I wanted to left her in KiTa and I still don't have the solution for that, and to make matters worse my head kept spinning from the lack of sleep. I thought I would be ready for the so-called interview at 11.00 am but it turns out to be something else.

You know, in Germany people will call you by your last name. In fact I think all over the world except my homeland. Since my name is Nurdiana Nordin, I get called Frau Nordin all the time. But in Kindergarten, since they know Nazrin and I are married and I don't use his surname (which is of course NOT possible anyway), they started calling me Frau Mohd Nazrin (as in pronounced -Mod Nazrin). I just don't want to explain why my name doesn't change to them because it would be a long story and I don't know whether they can understand me, so I get used to the name Frau Mod Nazrin.

Back to the story, I got a phone call asking for Mrs. Nazrin on Nazrin's cell. Well, he was speaking in Deutsch before so I couldn't get the pronunciation clearly and I just said I'm the one. He started asking whether it is possible to come tomorrow (today that is!) for "an interview" for the Master topics I've chosen. Since my mind was preoccupied by it for few weeks already, without even thinking who that is, I just said yes. So, last night I slept rather late reviewing all previous works on stereoscopic and machine vision algorithms which is sadly to no avail in the expense of what I have gone through today.

At 11.00 am, I waited in the hall to see the guy, and I was surprised because he was not supposed to be the guy I should work with. Well, I thought probably he's the colleague of the other guy, so I just followed him. And it just hit me home run when I saw what he was about to tell me. It is the same topic that Nazrin has been telling me for days that it is the one HE wants to do. Screw me! Thinking of no way out because the guy had already gone along the way by calling his other PhD colleague to explain to me what the matter is, I just went along with them. For the first few minutes, my brain went blank because honestly, I had no idea whatsoever what this thing is..because it is NAZRIN's fav thing. I really wanted to bang my head to the wall for being so careless. But I really gave credit to those guys though, the project is amazing and the possibility of generating useful applications are tremendous.

Anyway, after everything finished I really don't have the mood to go to Emmy Noether Campus (which is in town 25 minutes away from Paul Bonatz building where ZESS is located) to return my already-fined-for-returning-late books and went home instead and blurt out everything to Nazrin. He was pissed off. I knew from his face (well of course, it's 4 years of marriage already, he can't hide those expressions from me!) and even though I said I'm sorry for being so careless; he just ignored me. You know, this is the absolute reason why I hate marrying someone from your own class..he just thought of you as competitor! I don't know why it hits me like that, but seeing his face with some kind of judgment that I want to stole the topic from him is ridiculous. Well, of course I want to succeed by doing things that I like but that doesn't mean by crushing someone else down!

You know, Nazrin is more than a husband.. he's my best friend, my very own Susan Mayer (only he's actually a guy!).. and I hate when we started fighting because even though he doesn't talk much.. we're comfortable in silence (if u know what I mean..) It's just that, I really wanna see him succeed more than anything in the world and I just don't understand that why he sees me as his competitor rather than just a stupid, careless, talkative-big mouth wife. Give it up already!

Well, I hope I am sorry after I published this to the web.. because if I don't; I am really a stupid, careless, talkative-big mouth wife.

Ainaa and the song..

Skrg ni, Ainaa mmg bukan main suka lagi nyanyi2.. mungkin sbb dia dh pandai sebut dgn betul lirik2nya.. walaupun takdela perfect sgt, tapi bule faham la kan..
kelakar pun ader.. ari tu mak ckp suh ajar dia ayat Quran, yg simple2 cam Al-Fatihah, 3 Qul... mmg budak2 ni snang diajar.. sume pun masuk.. atas kita sbg ibu bapa la nk terapkan sumer ni..


aku rasa mmg aku pun salah gak dlm hal ni.. tak bagi pendedahan kat Ainaa.. so, dia mmg tak reti la lagu2 nasyid ke, ayat2 Quran ni.. huhuhuh, kena byk blajar lagi ni.. cuma aku tkilan sket la kan.. video2 utk Islamic conscience ni mmg tak menarik langsung.. budak2 pun cepat bosan tgk..

mungkin balik Mesia ni, kena cari byk material utk ajar Ainaa.. harap2 belum terlambat lagi..

My Glofiish M800

I have used this phone for quite a while now.. and I'm impressed. It's a Taiwan product (I think) and of course it's cheap compared to i-Phone but seriously I've got all I want from this phone. It is of course a touch-screen phone and it has an amazing GPS capability (it's handy when we are travelling!) and of course a QWERTY keyboard that I really2 rely on since I'm not good in fast-messaging. It has a built-in WIFI means I can always reach out for WIFI connection anywhere its free and it runs on Windows Mobile 6 platform, I installed so much as Ultralingua dictionary, Pocket Islam (for Quran and prayer times), Slick for YM and Google messaging, Nav and Go for navigation, SMath Studio for solving mathematical equations (it's nice I really ought to buy this one for desktop version), HAFAS DB (for train connection in Germany-it's really useful!)  and may fav of all, the SPB mobile shell v3.0. It takes up quite a space, but since it's nice who cares anyway!

Previously, I thought of getting a notebook, something I can carry around in my handbag, but I think with the same capability I prefer smartphone. So, there it is! It's not as good as i-Phone though, but at least it's the closest that I can afford!

How do you know when your life is in trouble?

It is when you canNOT manage it your own..

It took almost 24 hours of Internet shutdown in this house to get me in the mood of writing my thesis. Seriously, I need attitude adjustments. 5 days of continuous Desperate-Housewives and CSIs made my head spin out of direction. I know that I need to finish all my work and THEN do all the play, but I guess study hard and play hard does not apply to me anymore. PLUS, I think I'm in that depression cloud again, because I can barely sleep more than 3 hours without waking up. All of this mess, and I'm the one who deserves the blame. What a shame!

Enough with the complaints..let me browse through of what happened to me lately. I've been worrying like hell, how I am supposed to finance my doctorate study because the absent of government scholarship is highly probable. It's sad actually. I really liked it here. Even though I have lots of interesting topics brought onto my eyes, I don't have the mood to proceed. It's just frustrating. And I really dunno why I am still whining. The problem got worse financially, because I already bought plane tickets to fly back to Malaysia in September. It is a very cheap ticket (almost RM10k anyway-well compared to how it supposed to be..) so it's not refundable. If I still cannot persuade the Dean to accept my application, then I'm doomed. Which means at the end of December I'll be flying back for good.

You know, I don't blame other people for accusing all this mess on me. Partially it's true because I don't get them done in full speed. The the other part is because it's hard to apply for doctorate study in Germany. One of the reason is, you have to complete Master study, an option I really don't have. If I applied at the end of my study, I have to fly back to Malaysia and the next thing I know, it will be a good three years for me to serve before I can go back studying.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against serving my country. In fact, I love teaching. It makes me feel I'm in power, for most of the thing I am powerless. And I really don't mind getting tutor's salary for the next four years of my doctorate study as long as I'm given the chance to proceed straight away. I will miss my family, and yes it will be hard since both of us will be studying.. but that is the chance I'm willing to accept because I know if I took the opportunity later, it will be a different story. The family will get bigger and I dunno if I still have the eagerness to study alongside my hubby and let the rough times get ahead of me.

Even discussing this made my head spin. I really have to beat this. I pray to Allah to give me full strength to make it happen and with His blessings, I hope it will end up as planned. Well if it's not, I guess that's the way Allah guided me to the better direction. Every cloud has its silver lining.



 

Enjoy!

P/S: Thanks Rusdy for recording this. It really made my day.

Bersuka ria..

Bak kata Eyma di Facebook.. mmg bersuka ria la kat funfair ni.. Sbnarnya dh lama nk main2..release tension..tapi pegi Funfair tu cam tak release jugak tensennya.. apa tak nya, game dia mak aii.. takut nengoknya. Sumer pun mengerikan..kalau tak pusing 360 degrees, laju tak ingat.. takpun tinggi amat, smpai tketar2 kepala lutut.. huish..aku mmg pantangla menda tinggi2 ni, gayat! Anyway, thanks Eyma..I had a very good time.. kalau pegi Aachen, mmg itula kejenya, melepak kat umah Eyma..Ifran pun dh comey lotey skang ni.. geram nengoknya..

Us in front of the Crazy Coaster..pening naik!

Inila, satu menda yg aku tak takut naik.. hahaha, tapi drive pun fail.. dh lama tk bawak keta..Aina pun dok jerit2..sebab org lain asyik langgar keta kitorg je..muehehehe

huhuhu.. Ada berani?

Last2 naik je la "Wheel of Aachen" ni.. tak tinggi mana pun.. tapi aku tettapp gayat jugak!

P/S: all pictures courtesy of Eyma

Salzburg.. and the sound of music

Anyone familiar with "The Sound of Music"? If you happen to remember, this is the square where Fraulein Maria first brought the 7 children of Capt. Von Trapp out to play for the first time. I still cannot believe I have already been there. The scenery was astounding, no wonder they picked the place for filming.

The square

See what I mean?

I wonder who own the house

Festung Hohensalzburg from afar.. It's a beautiful fortress but getting up there was theatrical!

Mini model of Festung Hohensalzburg

The weather was beautiful, and we had a very wonderful time. Since Salzburg's attractions are quite reachable by public transport and relatively close to each other, we managed to go to Helbrunn where the Trick Fountains, owned by Austrian monarchs a long time ago are located. The "water tricks and games" are indeed intelligent and we were tricked a few times!

Entrance to Helbrunn

My favourite part of the park

Inside the Trick Fountain area

Water tricks..water comes out from the seat, and from the table wetting all the guest except the Archbishop! Intelligent..and amusing..

Waters everywhere..

Then we strolled along the parks to take few pictures, and leave for the Maribel Garden.. and if you see the Sound of Music, during the song Do Re Mi .. (yes, that one with "Doe..a deer, a female deer..), this is the place where the part of the ending of the song is filmed.

Maribel Garden: serene is the only word to describe it..

Hapeee..in Maribel Garden

hurmm...

It was exhausting but we managed to board the train to München afterwards. I wish I had more time in Salzburg..