No idea..

I know, it has been five days since the last time I wrote an entry.. I really want to write something, but as I was busy with exams and chores, I just don't know what to write. Life has been as usual, and I was addicted to Supernanny series, it was awesome actually contrary to many who said that the series are the extreme end of parenthood. Nazrin is working out on our new Smugmug Photoweb, well you can browse them if you are interested, the link is on the right-topmost corner. The photoweb is satisfying actually because I ran out of storage to store all the photos in their original size. Well, we need to pay a bit for that, but I really think it's worth it-- I mean the memories remains, but you still need the picture right!

So, I will be writing again for sure soon.. but for the time being, "Life is short, make it sweet!"

Tantrums.. and the way to solve

Ainaa and I during "London Eye" tour.. and she still pouts nowadays!

It's been quite a while since I am jotting down something in this blog. It's not that I don"t have time, but my mind has been somewhere from study to Ainaa to husband-wife communication and back to study again..

Ainaa is calmer, now that I knew the technique to control her. Well, it's difficult to get a two-year old to listen to you,eh? Thanks to lots of tips and techniques from "Supernanny Jo Frost", and to Allah for giving His love upon me to continue bearing her tantrums toward my husband and I; I think for now, it it quite resolved.

Ainaa is easier to persuade, she even excited to brush her teeth in the morning and before her bedtime. That is amazing! Even though she cried out loud when I only let her in MdNur and Dilla's room for 5 minutes, I managed to calm her down in only 2 minutes! Huhuhuhu, that was quite an experience to me. She is indeed a bright girl, and I am not going to let her tantrums of just needing our attention put her intelligence and brightness behind the bar. I am so proud of you, baby!

p/s: I am still thinking whether it is appropriate or not to use gift-rewarding technique and time-out technique around the house..

Little Ainaa..

Ainaa during "Snowman" playtime

You know, I don't mean to be rude to my husband, or just trying to talk bad about him behind my back.. because he's so wonderful to me, understanding how tacky and senseless I am most of the times and mostly he soothes me inside.

But the thing is, when it is about our daughter I sometimes envy him.. Well, today he came back really late.. usually, when I send Ainaa in the morning, he will take her back in the evening around 4.30pm and vice versa. But today, even the clock was already 6 pm, he still didn't arrive. I started getting worried.. what happened to both of them, and all those silly imaginations I don't even wanna talk about.. and when he finally came back, I saw he's carrying Ainaa and she was in her deep sleep. I thanked God nothing bad really happen. I started questioning him what had happened, and he just told me that Ainaa started whining after she went out of the kindergarten, and he stayed with her on top of the hill for almost two hours because she didn't want to stop crying. He didn't eat anything for a day (well it is a busy day today for him..). And i understand why he's so pissed off. I pitied him and of course I pitied my little Ainaa..

I just don't know why, it took so long for Nazrin and Ainaa to become close. When we brought her back from Malaysia April last year, she sit on my lap during 15 hours flight... It was indeed exhausting for me, and I can't do anything because she was crying everytime Nazrin wanted to take her.. And it goes on, until very recently.. I think around November, she got better. Even, when we went to London and Paris, I still carried her around when she didn't want to sit in her stroller. Only God knows how my back hurts.. and the thing that I hate the most is the phrase that he kept saying to me " Nak wat camana, Aina taknak dengan abang.."

well, it's the truth.. but I really am mad everytime I heard that phrase.. Because to me, it shows that he didn't want to learn.. to make her smile.. Well, of course he tried.. but he could try even harder. I hate to see him sleep through the night when I can barely sleep because Ainaa kept on waking up at 2 or 4 o'clock in the morning. And when I asked, he simply said, "Abang tak dengar dia nangis..". It was really frustrating. I know he spoke the truth, and not even for one second I argue the faithfullness in his voice. But it's so frustrating and exhausting..

Whenever I took Ainaa to her sleep at night, it would usually take about an hour to make her sleep. and usually I have to sleep too with her in order to convince her to sleep. Even when she's sleeping, she would wake up crying if she saw I wasn't around even when my husband kept comforting her. You know, I even sometimes thought that maybe Nazrin doesn't love her that much, that the love between them is so hard to emerge.. I know it's wrong for me to say like that, but it has been bothering me for so long... Whenever the exam time comes around, it got even worse.. And lots of the time, I kept shouting at him because inside, I was so exhausting with all the chores and taking care of Aina, and he just have all the time to study..I was jealous because he can take the credit of being the father and giving his name to our daughter, even passing all the traits; but he barely do the task to take care of her. I wept most of the time, because I hate being rude to him.. because I love him so much.. and I didn't want him to be like that.. but I just don't know how to adapt all this..

Oh, God.. please help.. I am in deep depression right now, and I think I would explode anytime..

I hate myself for not being able to be strong.. like kak Mijon or other bionic-woman that I know. And it's so frustrating..

P/S: I know that I whine a lot.. but i just don't have the strength to keep it myself anymore..please God, help..

'Ainaa's 2nd birthday..

Auntie Dilla with Ainaa and the new Pooh

Sooo happy.. Uncle Rusdy gave me Pooh!!

This is Auntie Dilla & Uncle Matnur present: sooooo kawaiii

Thank you Auntie Dilla...!!

Dh besar dh anak mama ni.. Dh panjang akal.. pandai amik hati.. kuat menangis..pandai cakap sepatah2..walaupun tak sepenuhnya lagi.. tapi camana lagi nk adapt dengan bahasa jerman, english, melayu lagi.. I love you always..my princess!

Huhh.. lega sekejap

Finally, portal presentation for Software Engineering is over. Its like having a huge load off your chest. I really worked hard for this. As a project manager, I always thought that it's the extra work that makes you a leader...well sort of. I worked out from 2.00 am in the morning until 1.30 in the afternoon to finish up all the finalization of reports and power point presentation; only having time out when I have to send 'Ainaa to kindergarten. It was indeed a very exhausting day, but in the end I feel very happy for everything. It was fulfilling, well at least to me. All hard work are paid off.

The Prof is happy, and almost everyone have the same feeling.

So, right now i think i deserve some time off until i found the courage to start doing other work again.

P/S: Just some snapshot from the portal