I'm sorry.. I really am..

Things just so messed up today.. I slept around 4 am after Subh prayer and wakeup around 7.30 am to get ready to send Ainaa to kindergarten. I had an important meeting today..well at least that's what I thought - to settle on Master Thesis topic. Ainaa is still crying till her voices run out when I wanted to left her in KiTa and I still don't have the solution for that, and to make matters worse my head kept spinning from the lack of sleep. I thought I would be ready for the so-called interview at 11.00 am but it turns out to be something else.

You know, in Germany people will call you by your last name. In fact I think all over the world except my homeland. Since my name is Nurdiana Nordin, I get called Frau Nordin all the time. But in Kindergarten, since they know Nazrin and I are married and I don't use his surname (which is of course NOT possible anyway), they started calling me Frau Mohd Nazrin (as in pronounced -Mod Nazrin). I just don't want to explain why my name doesn't change to them because it would be a long story and I don't know whether they can understand me, so I get used to the name Frau Mod Nazrin.

Back to the story, I got a phone call asking for Mrs. Nazrin on Nazrin's cell. Well, he was speaking in Deutsch before so I couldn't get the pronunciation clearly and I just said I'm the one. He started asking whether it is possible to come tomorrow (today that is!) for "an interview" for the Master topics I've chosen. Since my mind was preoccupied by it for few weeks already, without even thinking who that is, I just said yes. So, last night I slept rather late reviewing all previous works on stereoscopic and machine vision algorithms which is sadly to no avail in the expense of what I have gone through today.

At 11.00 am, I waited in the hall to see the guy, and I was surprised because he was not supposed to be the guy I should work with. Well, I thought probably he's the colleague of the other guy, so I just followed him. And it just hit me home run when I saw what he was about to tell me. It is the same topic that Nazrin has been telling me for days that it is the one HE wants to do. Screw me! Thinking of no way out because the guy had already gone along the way by calling his other PhD colleague to explain to me what the matter is, I just went along with them. For the first few minutes, my brain went blank because honestly, I had no idea whatsoever what this thing is..because it is NAZRIN's fav thing. I really wanted to bang my head to the wall for being so careless. But I really gave credit to those guys though, the project is amazing and the possibility of generating useful applications are tremendous.

Anyway, after everything finished I really don't have the mood to go to Emmy Noether Campus (which is in town 25 minutes away from Paul Bonatz building where ZESS is located) to return my already-fined-for-returning-late books and went home instead and blurt out everything to Nazrin. He was pissed off. I knew from his face (well of course, it's 4 years of marriage already, he can't hide those expressions from me!) and even though I said I'm sorry for being so careless; he just ignored me. You know, this is the absolute reason why I hate marrying someone from your own class..he just thought of you as competitor! I don't know why it hits me like that, but seeing his face with some kind of judgment that I want to stole the topic from him is ridiculous. Well, of course I want to succeed by doing things that I like but that doesn't mean by crushing someone else down!

You know, Nazrin is more than a husband.. he's my best friend, my very own Susan Mayer (only he's actually a guy!).. and I hate when we started fighting because even though he doesn't talk much.. we're comfortable in silence (if u know what I mean..) It's just that, I really wanna see him succeed more than anything in the world and I just don't understand that why he sees me as his competitor rather than just a stupid, careless, talkative-big mouth wife. Give it up already!

Well, I hope I am sorry after I published this to the web.. because if I don't; I am really a stupid, careless, talkative-big mouth wife.

Ainaa and the song..

Skrg ni, Ainaa mmg bukan main suka lagi nyanyi2.. mungkin sbb dia dh pandai sebut dgn betul lirik2nya.. walaupun takdela perfect sgt, tapi bule faham la kan..
kelakar pun ader.. ari tu mak ckp suh ajar dia ayat Quran, yg simple2 cam Al-Fatihah, 3 Qul... mmg budak2 ni snang diajar.. sume pun masuk.. atas kita sbg ibu bapa la nk terapkan sumer ni..


aku rasa mmg aku pun salah gak dlm hal ni.. tak bagi pendedahan kat Ainaa.. so, dia mmg tak reti la lagu2 nasyid ke, ayat2 Quran ni.. huhuhuh, kena byk blajar lagi ni.. cuma aku tkilan sket la kan.. video2 utk Islamic conscience ni mmg tak menarik langsung.. budak2 pun cepat bosan tgk..

mungkin balik Mesia ni, kena cari byk material utk ajar Ainaa.. harap2 belum terlambat lagi..

My Glofiish M800

I have used this phone for quite a while now.. and I'm impressed. It's a Taiwan product (I think) and of course it's cheap compared to i-Phone but seriously I've got all I want from this phone. It is of course a touch-screen phone and it has an amazing GPS capability (it's handy when we are travelling!) and of course a QWERTY keyboard that I really2 rely on since I'm not good in fast-messaging. It has a built-in WIFI means I can always reach out for WIFI connection anywhere its free and it runs on Windows Mobile 6 platform, I installed so much as Ultralingua dictionary, Pocket Islam (for Quran and prayer times), Slick for YM and Google messaging, Nav and Go for navigation, SMath Studio for solving mathematical equations (it's nice I really ought to buy this one for desktop version), HAFAS DB (for train connection in Germany-it's really useful!)  and may fav of all, the SPB mobile shell v3.0. It takes up quite a space, but since it's nice who cares anyway!

Previously, I thought of getting a notebook, something I can carry around in my handbag, but I think with the same capability I prefer smartphone. So, there it is! It's not as good as i-Phone though, but at least it's the closest that I can afford!

How do you know when your life is in trouble?

It is when you canNOT manage it your own..

It took almost 24 hours of Internet shutdown in this house to get me in the mood of writing my thesis. Seriously, I need attitude adjustments. 5 days of continuous Desperate-Housewives and CSIs made my head spin out of direction. I know that I need to finish all my work and THEN do all the play, but I guess study hard and play hard does not apply to me anymore. PLUS, I think I'm in that depression cloud again, because I can barely sleep more than 3 hours without waking up. All of this mess, and I'm the one who deserves the blame. What a shame!

Enough with the complaints..let me browse through of what happened to me lately. I've been worrying like hell, how I am supposed to finance my doctorate study because the absent of government scholarship is highly probable. It's sad actually. I really liked it here. Even though I have lots of interesting topics brought onto my eyes, I don't have the mood to proceed. It's just frustrating. And I really dunno why I am still whining. The problem got worse financially, because I already bought plane tickets to fly back to Malaysia in September. It is a very cheap ticket (almost RM10k anyway-well compared to how it supposed to be..) so it's not refundable. If I still cannot persuade the Dean to accept my application, then I'm doomed. Which means at the end of December I'll be flying back for good.

You know, I don't blame other people for accusing all this mess on me. Partially it's true because I don't get them done in full speed. The the other part is because it's hard to apply for doctorate study in Germany. One of the reason is, you have to complete Master study, an option I really don't have. If I applied at the end of my study, I have to fly back to Malaysia and the next thing I know, it will be a good three years for me to serve before I can go back studying.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against serving my country. In fact, I love teaching. It makes me feel I'm in power, for most of the thing I am powerless. And I really don't mind getting tutor's salary for the next four years of my doctorate study as long as I'm given the chance to proceed straight away. I will miss my family, and yes it will be hard since both of us will be studying.. but that is the chance I'm willing to accept because I know if I took the opportunity later, it will be a different story. The family will get bigger and I dunno if I still have the eagerness to study alongside my hubby and let the rough times get ahead of me.

Even discussing this made my head spin. I really have to beat this. I pray to Allah to give me full strength to make it happen and with His blessings, I hope it will end up as planned. Well if it's not, I guess that's the way Allah guided me to the better direction. Every cloud has its silver lining.



 

Enjoy!

P/S: Thanks Rusdy for recording this. It really made my day.

Bersuka ria..

Bak kata Eyma di Facebook.. mmg bersuka ria la kat funfair ni.. Sbnarnya dh lama nk main2..release tension..tapi pegi Funfair tu cam tak release jugak tensennya.. apa tak nya, game dia mak aii.. takut nengoknya. Sumer pun mengerikan..kalau tak pusing 360 degrees, laju tak ingat.. takpun tinggi amat, smpai tketar2 kepala lutut.. huish..aku mmg pantangla menda tinggi2 ni, gayat! Anyway, thanks Eyma..I had a very good time.. kalau pegi Aachen, mmg itula kejenya, melepak kat umah Eyma..Ifran pun dh comey lotey skang ni.. geram nengoknya..

Us in front of the Crazy Coaster..pening naik!

Inila, satu menda yg aku tak takut naik.. hahaha, tapi drive pun fail.. dh lama tk bawak keta..Aina pun dok jerit2..sebab org lain asyik langgar keta kitorg je..muehehehe

huhuhu.. Ada berani?

Last2 naik je la "Wheel of Aachen" ni.. tak tinggi mana pun.. tapi aku tettapp gayat jugak!

P/S: all pictures courtesy of Eyma

Salzburg.. and the sound of music

Anyone familiar with "The Sound of Music"? If you happen to remember, this is the square where Fraulein Maria first brought the 7 children of Capt. Von Trapp out to play for the first time. I still cannot believe I have already been there. The scenery was astounding, no wonder they picked the place for filming.

The square

See what I mean?

I wonder who own the house

Festung Hohensalzburg from afar.. It's a beautiful fortress but getting up there was theatrical!

Mini model of Festung Hohensalzburg

The weather was beautiful, and we had a very wonderful time. Since Salzburg's attractions are quite reachable by public transport and relatively close to each other, we managed to go to Helbrunn where the Trick Fountains, owned by Austrian monarchs a long time ago are located. The "water tricks and games" are indeed intelligent and we were tricked a few times!

Entrance to Helbrunn

My favourite part of the park

Inside the Trick Fountain area

Water tricks..water comes out from the seat, and from the table wetting all the guest except the Archbishop! Intelligent..and amusing..

Waters everywhere..

Then we strolled along the parks to take few pictures, and leave for the Maribel Garden.. and if you see the Sound of Music, during the song Do Re Mi .. (yes, that one with "Doe..a deer, a female deer..), this is the place where the part of the ending of the song is filmed.

Maribel Garden: serene is the only word to describe it..

Hapeee..in Maribel Garden

hurmm...

It was exhausting but we managed to board the train to München afterwards. I wish I had more time in Salzburg..

FiNiShEd..

Pernah tak korang rasa tak tau nk wat apa bila time keje tengah banyak? huhuhu.. nk buat yang ini tak kena.. yg itu tak kena.. kang bila buat satu menda asyik terpikir menda lain yg tak wat lagi.. aduhai!

Skrg ni sebenarnya aku exhausted yg amat.. nk tdo pun serba salah sbb subuh masuk awal.. kang terlajak tdo lagi.. Umah bersepah2.. nak kemas pun cam tak larat.. tapi aku tau kena kemas jugak!

Aina makin garang dua tiga hari ni.. aku rasa aku tau kenapa kot.. sbb aku asik cubit dia je kalau tak dengar kata (walhal aku tau budak umur 2 tahun lebey mmgla takle dgr arahan spanjang masa! -lagikan org tua pun susah!)..Kesian kat dia, itu la masalah aku dr dulu lagi, kalau aku penat tahap gaban, pening kepala ke, serabut ke, selamat la org2 terdekat jadik mangsa..

Skrg ni priority aku kena habiskan studienarbeit report.. tapi tu pun tak sentuh lagi, sebab pening tgk meja bersepah2.. nk kemas, malas!

Nk mod Glofiish aku pun takde smangat, sdangkan sblum ni beria2 sgt nk mod..huhuhu, tensen kot sbb RAM nya 64MB je.. nk run HAFAS DB pun tak lepas..uwaaaaa

Duit lak tgh short..sbb gi jenjalan.. asalnya tak plan nk gi Manchester, Munich ngan Salzburg, tapi sbb memikirkan dh lama tak jalan2 ngan hausmate.. gagahkan jugakla.. aku ingat nk organize besday party utk Aina bulan ni, tapi nmpak gayanya terpaksa la tunda ke bulan depan lepas dapat duit JPA.. sbnarnya, duit kitorg ader spare la jugak sblum ni.. tapi byk kat org lain, ada yg pinjam lum byr lagi.. plus kitorg nk balik Mesia bulan 9 ni naik Emirates, tiket dh beli sum up to €1900... dekat RM10k..huhuhu, mana la tak shortnya duit! Tapi nuat family kat Mesia, terutamanya mak.. kalau baca entri ni, jgn risau, anak mak ni takdela sampai tak makan.. ader lagi duit makan tu, cuma duit emergency la tgh tader..

Sooo.. kesimpulannya, aku rasa aku nk stayup malam ni, kemas umah.. alang2 dh kul 11 ni, tak tdo lagi.. drp aku tdo terlajak subuh.. baikla aku berjaga je smpai pagi... kang lepas anta aina gi KITA, tdo balik (muahahahahaha..)!