Anger management

You know how it feels when you are so angry at yourself and has no one to blame?
Like the whole world is looking at you, watching you crumbles and it humiliates you down to the spine?
Like when all the things that were precious to you suddenly dissappear and look down on you?
Why can't I let it go?
Why it must end?
Why should I behave like I care?
It's not me.. I am not them..
I don't live in their shoes and they don't even know me..
But deep down inside, it hurts to the core..
I wasn't supposed to be sad.. it's not a meaningful terms to be sad..
I was suppose to be busy.. and leave my heart behind..
But I don't know how much I can handle the temptation
And unleash the uneasiness I have felt all this time
It felt like my heart and my head works differently
that they are on different wavelength now..
He should know me
He should tell me that I am not okay
that he will help me through this
but he didn't..
I can't blame him right?
I am the one with the problem and I am begging him to help
and no wonder he didn't answer
because I was only crying out loud in my heart..
Was I the same person before?
Where is my strong heart?
Why couldn't I find it?
Is it too late?
And why is it that when one thing ends, it feels like everything has ended?..
Smile now.. and let bygones be bygones..
Why should I dwell in yesterdays when I should prepare for what would come tomorrow?
Or should I just devours the present and live to the fullest?
I am scared..
what if tomorrow never comes and I end up being who I am now..
It would be too embarassing..
And even though I realize it, I still can not bring myself up and out of all this mess
Why am I like this?
Has the world ended?
Smile now..(^^,)