One month..

Only a month to go..
To be honest, I'm scared to the bones..
Nothing works at the moment and I wish time would stood still..T_T
Reminiscing back on how much time I wasted looking for the wrong information suddenly arouse my anger. And if not because of my hubby's continuous support I probably have died and gone to hell.
It was difficult, reading so much material without any background knowledge at all.. Even though I studied a whole book of statistics for engineers during bachelor years and some more during Modelling and Simulation class, my knowledge is near plausible to conduct the research. I felt bad for my hubby because he had to endure my continuous nags, in which I, myself didn't even know how to stop..
I already given up, I don't know probably ten times in the making of this thesis. I've given up, and get back on track after that with refreshed mind only to give up again after that, again and again. It was hard, I nearly cried everytime my eyes landed on matlab programs. I never felt so helpless in my life.
I wanted to just give up, and let nature take its course.. but part of my ego held me from doing just that. I can't fail.. I never taste failure in my life, thus I probably didn't have that much energy to hinder the alarming consequences of my actions.. At least not yet.
I think I just need to become masochist.. and then let nature take its course..